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08

Nov

Past/Present/Future > Now

Now, now I am transported back to the past, through less than 3 minutes of a song, Frank Ocean’s cover of “Strawberry Swing”, to the times when I heard the cover and the original.  The friends, the laughs, the struggles, the places, the people, all of it comes rushing back to me in the form of this discomforting pressure inside of my chest, directly at the center of my core.  Immediately, without warning, a channel opens up and the now becomes the past.

Inextricably, the present has to exert its dominion over time in order to draw this distinction with the past, with how events and places have changed from then until now.  I am no longer in your car, riding next to you as you drive the music, the vehicle and me down the road.  The windows might have been down, there might have been a water balloon fight, all of the memories start to overlap - specificity isn’t important.  What has carried on to today in the vehicle of memories are the emotions, the feelings that come swelling up and cause me to lose control of them.  I am not in the steering wheel of the past.

The end of the song I avoid like the plague, the noise of the alarm clock - soon I am pulled back to the present and the ever-looming future.  The intruding, violating clarion call of an alarm clock serves as the harbinger to the harsh reality of the blinding morning, the return from rest to restlessness, no longer as a passenger in the past but a traveler in the future, constantly treading onward.

It is of the utmost necessity, I now realize, that I make time for the past in the present.  To live through the lives of others is no way to live at all. 

The name of the mixtape, “Nostalgia, ultra”.  You got that right.

"I will miss the good times here".